I live with depression, have done all my life from a life of abuse as a child. This illness manifests it self in many forms.
From a young age I have tried and tried again to end my life and I was always "saved" mostly accidentally.
There are many forms that this often silent killer takes on in our adult life. Major Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Manic Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder and that is only a few of the many and there is a lot more.
Sufferers often do not seek help as the stigma of Depression and mental illness in general is still so bad that most often resort to suicide. This disease does not choose it's victims the young and the old and anyone in between get it. Sadly we loose so many young teenagers who suffer in silence,this could be brought on by bullying in schools to poor abusive up bringing, or even genetics and the pressure to do better in schools just to be able to get a decent job.
I suffer from Major Depression, PTSD, which makes me just shut my brain off, while suffering trauma. BPD that makes it for others to live with me. I have social anxiety so I don't leave the house for days on end and can't work. I hate the illness, while you can control the symptoms with pills you need support from others, such as family which I have from my two lovely daughters,medical stuff such as councilors, and or psychiatrists.
I loose people over this all the time such as friends who I push away, my ex husband. i don't trust anyone with most of my life story. I make bad relationship decisions which than makes me more depressed.
I hate this illness with all my being and those who contributed to it from abusing me for a very long time. At the moment I think about death everyday and it kills me inside when I look at my girls and know I don't want to be here but I am and will be I do not have a choice.
